A funny week

OK, so i've talked before about how I love reading books by inspirational people; people who have pushed that extra mile, fought against immense hardships and come out the other end, people who have swam against the tide and not drowned. I heard on the radio that Trisha Goddard has an autobiography just out. So her show is tabloid tv, but she has persevered through abuse, depression and other shit to get this far. And despite just being diagnosed with Breast Cancer, She is still standing. So respect there. She inspired on of my songs, 'Normal', with the lyric 'normal's just a cycle on a washing machine...'

It's been a funny week; It started with me spending the weekend vomitting. It's ending with Tanny going to a funeral. In between my computer's power supply blew up. I've been pointed at and laughed at and talked about by elderly people in shops who think I look weird. So what? If I was in a wheelchair they wouldn't fuckin' dare. I've laughed my arse off twice to 'Me, Myself and Irene' starring Jim Carrey (a fellow bipolar sufferer). It's 20 years since Public Enemy's 'It takes a nation of millions to hold us back' came out, this week. That makes me feel a little old! It still Rocks though. I've received more films and cd's through my door from my eBaying. Flaming Lips and Grandaddy take the stage tonight.

Fuel blockades begin, Fishermen strike, oil and food prices soar, millions are still without aid in Burma, and at least one teenager has been murdered the UK every day... The Government is crumbling under it's own lack of stability, but for once I've been doing okay in general.

If you're swimming against the tide or running faster than those around you, have a Listen to one of my old songs 'Pushing Further' here.

Pull the Curtains

"Pull the curtains on the day
Sometimes it is the only way
Pull the curtains on the night
Sometimes it isn't worth the fight."
(Grandaddy, 'Pull the Curtains')

Been feeling light headed today. At a loose end. Tired.
Feel creative tonight, but no sparks are flying from my brain and out of my fingers. If I try too hard, it'll drive me mad. So I'll sit and listen to some Grandaddy instead. More gaps filled in my cd collection via ebay.

Filling gaps...

I must be due a rant.

Listening to that great lost British band of the late 90's that was 'Cable'. 'Ultra Violet' still rocks 11 years on! Also Deftones, SFA, and Massive Attack have made appearances toinght. Been watching Johnny Cash's 'Walk the line'. Started reading 'Gang leader for a day' by Sudhir Venkatesh. Been looking for places to live in South Wales. Been getting sunburnt. Been filling gaps in my record collection via eBay! Been fighting for my rights as a human being with mental health services, again. Been getting random emails from old friends, which is nice, and trying to track some down myself. Been making some music, with new tracks at the mixing stage and collaborations bouncing between collaborators. Been talking to myself about things I should do, but never getting around to doing them, as usual. Been spending a nice weekend with my parents, which is always nice, but now I miss them. My mood has been spinning round and around, but as i've said before, 'normal's just a cycle on a washing machine.'

Over and out.

It seems so far away

Well, it's my birthday tomorrow, 36. That makes it 5 years of living in this sleepy village. Been thinking about it this past week or two. I moved here from Brighton, not long out of a stay in a psychiatric hospital, coming out of a severe depression and the end of a destructive relationship. Looking at our bookshelf yesterday, i saw so many inspirational books i've read since then. Autobiographies by people who've gone that extra mile, who have overcome severe hardships just to survive, various self-help books, books on depression and bipolar disorder.... the list goes on. I still haven't written mine.

But in those 5 years i've met who I truly believe to be my soulmate, and had a beautiful baby daughter who is growing up so fast. I've grown closer to my family and I've discovered who my real friends are. And most of all, i can honestly say that in this present moment, sitting here, I am happy. I can't even remember my last 2 birthdays, either due to medication sedation or deep depressions. But this year I feel good. Some people live in the past, but I don't. I don't miss it at all. I look forward to an even better, more stable future.

On the weekend I listened to Super Furry Animals' "Presidential Suite" and the last chorus moved me...

" You know that when we met
There were Fireworks in the sky
Sparkling like dragonflies
Spelling all bad folk must die
And when I look over,
Over my shoulder,
I can't see my past
It seems so far away.
It seems so far away
Far away"