Mixed states

It's nice to think that some people just believe in human nature and live their lives trying to give good to the world, without asking anything in return. I think my happiest times in life have been when I've just lived in the moment. Until recently, I was doing this on a daily basis, but eventually one gets a bill or a benefit hassle that leads to stress. For me, stress leads to questioning myself and most aspects of my life and I start worrying about stuff and analysing things. Too much.
Yesterday, I was very much in a mixed state: a part of me wanted to make music and paint canvases at the same time, read books filled with knowledge (I constantly thirst knowledge) and generally share my thoughts and theories and feelings about everything and anything with the whole world. At the same time, however, I just felt like curling up in a ball, somewhere warm and hibernating. I ended up drinking tea, talking to Tanny (about dinasours wearing top hats etc) (which is always great) and climbing into a warm bed.
Today, i'm a little low, so have spent a few hours this morning having a nap. I feel guilty, but I musn't; I could push on regardless, and feel chronically depressed in a few days, or have short naps when I need them and feel slightly flat. I listen to my body as much as I can and thankfully Tanny (my partner) recognises this.
Psychiatrist tomorrow for 6 weekly check-in to discuss life...

Drawing dragons in the rain

The past few weeks i've been ill, ill and ill. Not mentally, but physically. So lazy days snuggled in bed, nice dinners and lots of love from Tanny and lots of time to watch Milly learning to crawl, stand up and explore the world some more.
My parents visited from Wales for the week which was brilliant. Again, lazy days with the odd country walk thrown in.
Today I missed most of 'Saturday live' today on radio 4, but there was a good discussion about S.A.D, and an interview with a woman who suffers depression in the summer and thrives in the winter months...listen to it here. Went to village market, caught up with a few people, talked music and sold some raffle tickets. Tonight watched Dragons draw with Wasps, in the rain.
Being working lots on new website... coming soon!
As will be some more music, when I drag myself out to the studio to mix some finished tracks, finish some music doodlings and record some new ideas.